Wednesday, April 09, 2008Someone mentioned that I have quite an aggressive nature, and it sparked off a chain of thoughts.
I am not sure whether it was considered aggressive, but I was definitely bossy and demanding when I was little. Okay, I might have come off as snobbish and fierce along the way as well, I guess. Anyhow, this particular trait of mine was so often picked on by friends and classmates that gradually, I stuffed her somewhere else and swore to myself I'm not bringing that Sarah out ever again -
well, aside for little walks from time to time, when I really can't help it.
Besides, when I permanently threw away the 'tom-boy' act, I have never come on to others as anything but easy-going and tactful. So feel my shock when that descriptive -
aggressive - was used on me today. It was such an eye-popping, jaw-dropping moment. Haha.
But guess what? I was not in the least insulted by the comment. Instead, I felt really happy. Truth is, when I stashed the original me into my skeleton closet with my other non-revealable secrets, I packed away some of my self-esteem and confidence. I was always being
too bossy,
too loud, too much of everything. So I tried to mold myself into something that was within the standards of others. But that wasn't me, so I didn't have the confidence that the new me would work. Oops, does that make sense? *wince* For the past two years, I have been trying to find my way around the Sarah I've created and look for the Sarah I've attempted murdering once. So imagine my surprise - after my shock, that is - when someone found her in me.
Personally, I do not hate both personalities. But on their own, they are full of character loopholes. Love the flaws? Sorry, you will have to get a better example for that. I'm more of a 'Mend the flaws' person, as long as it's
my flaws. Haha. Perhaps it is time to find a new Sarah which I really like.
loves*sarah //
