Tuesday, December 05, 2006i have finished watching
'1 litre of tears'.
okay, i knew for sure she was going to die. but that doesn't mean i could stop myself from crying. *sniffs* i love the last christmas dinner they had together, and the last family phototaking. what really triggered the tear ducts was what aya-san's okaasan wrote in the diary. *sniffs*
like watching any other tragedies, i always tried to imagine what those who are still living are going through. how is it possible to continue the normal way of life without having to think about the dead constantly? it's like you'll never be able to see the person again. whatever one has left are the memories, the photos. yet no real flesh and bone to hold on to. you can't hear their voices anymore, can't see their expressions. how can one survive the days missing another so dearly? won't everyday be filled with constant tears? i'm not writing this for the sake of writing. because i really don't understand why people keep believing that
time will fade the pain. if it was someone really close, someone important, won't the memory of the person continue to hurt ten years down the road?
also, i kept asking myself: supposedly one day the person i was dating got sick, will i harbour any doubts in continuing the relationship? will i continue or break it off cleanly like what aya-chan's senpai did? it's always to easy to say
'of course the former!' and avoid being labelled as
heartless,
cold-blooded etc. but truth is, when things indeed happen, the decision people so often make is usually the latter. i don't want to be self-deceiving, which really defeats the purpose of bringing up the topic, but i seriously hope i will be able to stand firm and choose the first. then again, i hope i will
never be put into the situation where i would have to choose.
ugh. that's enough for today. too many mind-boggling questions.
oyasuminasai. ^_^
loves*sarah //
